For those who are already in a financially abusive relationship, some of the preventive measures suggested in our previous post may no longer be an option. You should seek professional advice from at least one support service before doing anything that could put you at risk. The information provided in this article is generic and does not account for your specific circumstances. It should not be considered a substitute for seeking professional advice.

Assess Your Situation

First, connect with a support service that has the knowledge and resources to help you with planning your exit strategy. They may also have insights into other obstacles you should prepare for. A partial list of service providers is provided in Appendix B.

• Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline
• State-specific advocacy groups
• Your local YWCA

Make a list of your resources including your income, cash, savings, investments, retirement accounts, and property such as a car or home. For shared assets like a jointly owned car or lease, review your state’s laws and talk to a victim advocate to understand your rights. Next, add in non-monetary resources and support. This might include help offered by a friend or help from a local domestic violence shelter (Resources are listed at the end of the article).

Next, list your current expenses and debt payments such as bills, mortgages, shared leases, credit cards, and student loans. Add in any additional expenses you’re not currently paying for that you would need to cover to be on your own. Additionally, mark whether the expense is optional or required. If there’s flexibility on changing the amount, consider how much room you have to reduce it and for how long and write that down. If you feel you need more resources than you have available, a few ideas for making extra money or freeing up cash are provided at the end of the article.

If your partner controls the money, look for ways to find out more information about his/her income, financial property, physical property, real estate, and debts. This has the potential to put you at risk if they figure out what you’re doing, so be very careful. You may have to visit branches of financial institutions in-person to access information about joint accounts you do not have a login or password for. You should also create new accounts under your own name and begin depositing money into them (very) discretely. If you’re already depositing your current income in a joint account, suggestions for other sources of income are provided in Part 4 of this series.

Gather Important Information and Documents

Here is a list of items which you should create digital copies of and store them securely in the cloud. Ideally, you should also take any physical copies of these items with you when you leave.

• Forms of identification for you, the abuser, and any children or dependents
• Social Security card
• driver’s licenses or state-issued IDs, hunting/fishing licenses
• school, work, or military ID cards
• passports
• immigration visas
• birth certificates
• marriage license
• adoption paperwork
• vehicle registration
• insurance cards
• Legal documents such as lease or mortgage agreements, wills and other estate planning documents, copies of any court orders (such as a  protection order or custody order)
• Financial account information for bills, loans, mortgages, credit cards, other debts, bank accounts, investment accounts, and insurance policies. This applies for you, the abuser, and any children or dependents
• Username
• Passwords
• Security Questions
• Account numbers
• Copies of original contracts or signed documents
• Any backup email addresses associated with the account
• Due dates for payments for each account, and a snapshot of account balances or copy of a recent statement
• Tax returns
• Documentation to show the existence of any physical assets or property owned by you or the abuser, including copies of car titles and the vehicles’ loans or insurance policies, real estate deeds, pictures of valuable physical property such as cars, boats, motorcycles, motor homes, power tools, the contents of safes or safety deposit boxes, jewelry, furniture, art, musical instruments, electronics. The goal is to collect enough information to paint a picture of your household’s net worth and owned property to prevent the abuser from hiding the assets from any legal claims you have as their spouse or domestic partner
• If you’re married and your partner is primarily responsible for household debt, get records of credit card transactions or loan documents to show this. It supports a favorable judgement to not split the debt evenly in divorce court
• Any documents related to your profession such as licenses, records of continuing education, board certifications, diplomas

Creating a password bank using a cloud service is strongly recommended. You can create harder-to-crack passwords and store them securely besides other information such as security questions, and backup email addresses. Include all account information here (including non-financial accounts such as email, social media, and any software subscriptions which may including payment information).

You’ll also want to remove any saved passwords from your browsers, mobile devices, tablets, etc. When you leave, you’ll also want to revoke access to accounts by any devices you leave behind where possible (google allows this, as do other service providers). Suggestions for technology resources which may assist you have been included in Part 4 of this series.